I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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