your parents love me but you hate me
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I believe in your delicious
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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