Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
