How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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