is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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