it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
