I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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