why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
