I feel like abortions should bother me more
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
