handjob tips. give me some.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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