Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
50% drunk capacity currently
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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