They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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