you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
