After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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