im about as happy as oj after his trial
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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