Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
