fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
