She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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