I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
