um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Randomize
