There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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