I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
