Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
