Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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