god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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