Do you still have your period?
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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