True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
