I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
