im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
