I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
