Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
