Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
