thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
