I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
