chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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