If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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