So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
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