1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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