I seem to have left my pride at pride
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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