Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you didnt know i had herpes?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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