dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
