There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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