I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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