don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
