we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
