i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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