There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
