Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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