Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
