the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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